Opening the floodgates.

I have been out of college for a whopping five years already. Big deal, considering how fast it had went by. I don’t mean that in the classically cheesy way, “it was just yesterday, that so and so did this and that,” but it truly is a bit unsettling, looking back on this time as a post grad. We all have this idea, often ignorant in retrospect, of where we will be in the coming years at a specific time. Once time passes and realize that we aren’t quite where we’d hoped we be, anxiety tides rise high. I know that we all go through this, I know that I am not alone, but why do we feel so goddamn alone as this unfolds? We compare ourselves with one another, with people that we aren’t too fond of, with our closest friends. It’s like a slow mental torture we allow ourselves to be submissive to. No more, no fucking more.

I have felt myself put off doing things that I know would benefit me the past few years. Like self sabotage, but largely subconscious. To lessen the blow when I realize what I have been doing, I remind myself that the past five years have not been easy. Not whatsoever. I wasn’t just galavanting  around the west coast hoping things would fall into place. In ways, I have worked my ass off. But, alas, I have been enduring, managing, attempting to cope with my own personal turmoil. I have spent what feels like the entirety of my cognitive years dwelling on the past, dwelling on today because of what I did or didn’t do in the past. Silly little things that don’t even matter, things that I thought I have made peace with. I can’t do that anymore, we good humans cannot do that to ourselves anymore. Easier said than done, boy do I know, but I aim to make a mindful movement towards a resolution. I don’t know what that will transpire from this, or how long it will take or if it will be something that I work on everyday, but I know that I will thrive.

That said, I created this platform as a step in the desired direction. I’m an artist, a respectable specimen, an accomplished person. Where I am today, as far as in my professional and personal life, does not dictate where I may be tomorrow. After a few years of hiatus from showing my art proudly, I am thrilled for my pending website update. Alongside that, I will be present here in confidently sharing my personal universe and all that it embodies.

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6 thoughts on “Opening the floodgates.

  1. So much truth! I’m a year out of college this month and so much of what you describe is what I am feeling. It’s always comforting to know you’re not alone–so thanks for sharing. I love how you say you won’t let professional and personal life command what else life has for you. I’m eager to see more of your work, so keep posting!

    Like

    1. Thank you so much! It’s exciting to hear that the few readers and friends that have read it all deeply relate. My blog will soon be linked to my website showing my artwork, but I plan to also keep writing rawly about relatable matter as well. I am a sensitive creature and my work is largely driven by my personal feelings so it all ties together. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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